Frog and Toad Are the Ultimate Gay Zen Heroes
How I credit my laid back perspective on life to this landmark series of children’s books
First published in 1970 by Arnold Lobel, Frog and Toad Are Friends is an easy reader children’s book about an anthropomorphic frog and toad who love one another, even though they are both dudes. They talk, live in cute little houses and ride bikes, often together. I had no idea they were a gay couple when my dad read me the Frog and Toad series of books when I was a kid, but today I realize just how formative these characters were for me as a person. It’s not just that I’m gay so I was probably somehow in tune with these vaguely gay amphibians. It’s more about Frog and Toad’s outlook on life. They have an almost zen-like perspective in a world that is far too often telling us to do as much as humanly possible, to avoid stillness and doing nothing like they’re signs of bad character.
Though the Frog and Toad series seemed endless to me when I was a kid, Lobel only ever wrote four of these books. In each book, there were five short stories, in which very easy and usually undramatic narratives would unfold, often free of conflict. (Well there was an avalanche in one story.) Frog, the slightly taller and greener of the two, is more upbeat and positive, while Toad, browner and shorter, is a little more misanthropic and pessimistic. This yin and yang of characterizations makes them a lot like two sides of the same person and Lobel says he intended this structure. Lobel began drawing Frog and Toad when he was in the second grade out sick from school. He didn’t know it at the time, but Frog and Toad could probably be traced back to be the very beginning of his coming out process, which didn’t happen until 1974, four years after the publication of the first Frog and Toad book.
Frog and Toad don’t do a lot. In fact, they make a point of doing as little as possible. One or both of them often goes and sits by a tree for an entire afternoon, perhaps eating a sandwich at some point. At @FrogandToadbot on Twitter, which tweets a line or two from one of the books every three hours, 24 hours a day, gloriously simple quotes are served up: “‘Get into my bed and rest,’ said Toad. Toad made Frog a cup of hot tea,” or “‘This house is a mess. I have so much work to do,’ said Toad. Frog looked through the window. ‘Toad, you are right,’ said Frog. ‘It is a mess.’ Toad pulled the covers over his head.”
‘Tomorrow!’ cried Toad. ‘I will do it all tomorrow!
One recent favorite was: “Toad sat on the edge of his bed. ’Blah,’ said Toad. ‘I feel down in the dumps.’” I look back on this now and realize that Lobel was giving kids the right to feel less than great in the morning. He was also giving them — and me — permission to just do nothing, to delay any work or school or play or even seeing anyone, to another day. They also teach kids how to manage their expectations. Nothing ever turns out exactly right for Frog and Toad, but they manage through it. When Toad gets rained on, he feels the day is ruined, but Frog gently reminds him to cheer up, have a cup of tea, and simply go back to bed. Tomorrow will be a new — and possibly better — day. This powerful but rarely heard message — that bad days will come, many of them, and that you don’t necessarily have to do anything in response to it — could really change a generation of kids as it influenced my somewhat removed perspective on life. Procrastination and doing nothing aren’t bad things. They are “activities” that should be fostered, encouraged, and practiced.
Frog and Toad would have gone mad if they had to leave their forest home for the big city to get a job, an overpriced apartment, and make money. “What’s the point of living?” we often ask. Frog and Toad’s enduring friendship and kindness toward one another seems like a perfect answer to me. Lobel — instead of turning bitter and distrustful through feeling as if he had to hide his sexual orientation until he was 41 — created a kind and magical fictional world that kids still garner lessons from today.
Reflecting back, I feel that the things I value the most about myself: gentleness, kindness, generosity, and the ability to love and be loved, were strongly influenced by Frog and Toad. Otherwise, why would I remember these characters so fondly and so often? It’s not the narratives I remember, not the plots of the short stories, it’s the kindness, the Zen approach to living, and Frog’s and Toad’s laid back, totally chill pursuit of life that sticks with me the most. I can say, as many have called themselves the generation of Harry Potter or Disney kids, that I, proudly, think of myself as a Frog and Toad child through and through. It’s Frog and Toad who uphold the values that I most admire and the values I think we should embrace as a society.
Lobel died in 1987 at age 54 of HIV. But Frog and Toad carry on his perspective, his outlook, and his kind and generous nature as a writer, a profession he preferred to describe as “daydreamer.”